From a self-development and cuddle heaven to silence and facemasks.
From a self-development and cuddle heaven to silence and facemasks.
Tonight is my last evening in the beautiful historic town of Anagni just an hour south of Rome. Before traveling further to the south of Italy to visit a friend. There are beautiful characteristic streets and many cuddly cats and delicious ice cream here. I enjoyed the nature around the town and wandering through the alleys and streets.
Naked the Retreat
Tomorrow exactly 1 month ago my dear friend Lonneke and I drove away from the Netherlands. She for the retreat and gathering in Italy where we went together and I for a yet unknown period of traveling after our adventure together. On the way in Germany we picked up the cheerful duo Dara & Simon who would give the retreat called Naked, followed by a Gathering with people who had already been to a retreat in previous years. After almost 2 weeks of retreat and another beautiful week of gathering afterwards and sitting in a pressure cooker of workshops, self-development, hugs and love, the transition is quite big. From traveling together and constantly having 25 other people close to me, I immediately drove to the overwhelmingly busy but beautiful Rome. And then on to now being alone with Mimi in a quiet camper place on the edge of this quiet historic town, where I share the asphalt with a few retired Dutchies, Germans and Italians. The peace is nice but I also find it challenging at times.
It takes some effort
I do miss the fixed structure of the last few weeks and the connection so close around me. And now on my own again it comes down to continuing what I have learned at the retreat. Namely, a morning practice of writing morning page and body work. The former is not such a problem in the privacy of my nice house on wheels, but that bodywork is a different story. This means, among other things, a lot of sighing breathing and shaking your body. Anyone familiar with Osho's dynamic work on which many of Dara & Simon's exercises are based knows that this is not something you just do outside on the street. But yes, there is not enough space in the bus so I went outside next to Betsy Bus to shake, sigh and do a laughter meditation. That laughter meditation actually went without saying as soon as I realized how ridiculous must have looked standing outside where everyone could see me, haha! And except for a few remarkable looks, it actually all went pretty well and I felt happy and proud of myself that I did it anyway.
Facemask sadness
To love myself is to be myself and show it without apology. Whether practical or convenient or easy or not. Being aware of my body and moving through emotions is important to me and helps me to be comfortable with myself and that simply includes shaking and sighing in public for someone who lives in a campervan. I am doing this also because the Naked concept by Dara & Simon stands for transparency and daring to show yourself completely and to love yourself and I truly believe that is my path too. And who knows if I do this outside more often that people will maybe spontaneously join me. You never know.
So I managed to do that part of the integration of the past few weeks, except for some resistance and uncertainty here and there. What I find more difficult is to connect with the people here. I only now notice how alone I really am, without a good travel friend next to me in a country where I don't speak the language. And then there are the facemasks. These also do not help me to make myself understood with my already soft voice, in addition to the language barrier. But what I find even more disheartening is the fact that I can no longer smile at people in a friendly way and make contact that way. Of course I understand why the masks are there and I respect the rules of the country, although my own ideas about this may be different, but it still affects me. Especially when I see how normal it has already become. So normal in fact that it seems as if people no longer even notice that they are wearing facemasks. I see people happily taking selfies, or taking a quick nice photo with the whole family in front of that beautiful fountain and it seems as if they don't even notice that half of their face is covered and is not participating in the joy of the moment. I found myself feeling sad when I saw this these last few days. What if these people later look back at these photos and perhaps no longer recognize themselves at all?
Besides the connection we miss with each other, I am afraid that we will also lose the connection with ourselves when we go through life half covered. Because it may just be a facemask, but things like this unfortunately tend to settle into our system like energetic weeds and cover more than we often realize. I really hope that I am wrong and that people can still see and feel their beautiful smiles in the pictures, even though they now remain covered under the masks. And I hope that soon we will be able to take fully transparent photos again and live fully present. Please don't let this covering take us further out of touch, but let's see it as a challenge to communicate and live more transparently. Because by showing everything, the sunny and shadow sides of life, the light can shine everywhere and bring warmth and healing.
And if that means that I occasionally have to shake and sigh outside in a parking lot with a facemask on, then that is something I am certainly willing to do.
Transparent and with love for myself. Will you join me?
